


The Thorns On Blue Roses Can't Make You Bleed

by Zesty_Bill_Clinton



Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, wlw/mlm solidarity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26636515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zesty_Bill_Clinton/pseuds/Zesty_Bill_Clinton
Summary: "Maybe it was an excuse to see you, like when a boy goes out of his way to walk you home even though it's forbidden"Anne Shirley-Cuthbert wished for a bosom friend. Diana Barry just wished for a friend.Anne Shirley-Cuthbert found her dear bosom friend. Diana Barry found herself wishing for more.
Relationships: Diana Barry/Anne Shirley, Diana Barry/Winifred Rose
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	1. The Party

Diana looks from the mirror to the photo, to the mirror and back to the photo. She sees Aunt Josephine posing inside the small black and white snapshot of time, smiling beneath the glowing face of another woman.  
This was a marriage bed, Diana thinks, or at least built to be one. Even if it never became the sort it was built to be. She feels dizzy as she looks at her own pale face in the mirror. Suddenly Anne’s face is creeping behind her and Diana forces a smile on her face. She feels something inside her sink as she turns to peer at Anne’s glowing face above her.

After her aunt’s party playing the piano feels like falling ill. Every time her hands touch the keys her stomach lurches with sudden remembrance. Cécile’s face bursts into her mind’s eye, asking if she had ever considered a career in music. She feels herself hope for a moment before plunging into guilt. Guilt which behind her eyelids mingles with the taste of photographs and dreams and knowing glances that make her clutch her hands away from the keys like hot coals.


	2. Gilbert Blythe

In vain Diana tries to talk to Anne about Gilbert, to distract herself from her own internal confusion. Gilbert has only recently returned home, and it was Anne’s favorite least favorite topic of conversation. Diana liked prodding Anne with questions about Gilbert because it made her feel normal again.  
The good thing about Anne was that the questions never were turned back on her. If Diana went to Ruby and asked her about Gilbert, she knew that eventually, after however much squealing about Gilbert Blythe Ruby had in her that day, the question would fold back over onto her.  
“So, what about you Diana?” Ruby would ask innocently. “Anyone caught your eye lately?”  
Diana would not know how to tell her that the only boy she genuinely liked talking to was Cole. She would not know how to say that it was never like that with Cole, how it was more like they understood something deeper about the other. She did not know how to say she would rather play girlish games of fantasy with Anne in the woods than these games of womanhood all her other friends played at. She did not know how to say that her games with Anne sometimes felt more womanly than they should, in all but the right ways.  
Diana likes to talk about Gilbert with Anne because Anne does not think she thinks of Gilbert that way, Anne does not play at being a woman like everyone else. So, hearing Anne bemoan Gilbert Blythe’s “senselessly perfect” hair makes Diana feel normal, makes her feel safe.


	3. Gerry Baynard

Diana does not tell Anne at first, does not plan to tell Anne at all.  
She kisses Gerry and it feels like thrill enough to scare away the voice in the back of her head. Like maybe this is how she can be a bad daughter without being a bad daughter. She kisses Gerry and gives him her copy of Frankenstein. 

She kisses Gerry and does not tell him how she feels like the monster in the book. Brought into this world out of pride and always mere moments away from being reviled.

When Anne finds out about Gerry, Diana knows that he was not the only lie she is told. She knows this. And her heart breaks even more.


	4. Gilbert Blythe II

When Diana gets mad at Gilbert on the train, she does not know why exactly she does it. She knows they are both dumb teens who don’t have to hurt like she does, who can just love and lose and love again and let the whole world see their love and it makes her furious.  
She yells at Gilbert on the train because she knows that if Anne loved her the way Anne loved Gilbert then Diana knew she would not hurt her like this. She knows she would love Anne better, better than Gilbert Blythe. She would love her how she deserves.  
Except, this is exactly what Anne deserves. For a boy to dash his dreams against the rocks for her and build a life from the pieces using their love as glue. She deserves kissing in front of halted carriages. Loving loudly on the front lawn for whole world to see.   
So, she yells at Gilbert and sends him back to Anne. Princess Cordelia’s perfect match running to her like she is the only thing that matters (because she is).


	5. Cole Mackenzie

Diana goes to see Cole in the first few weeks at School. They meet up for tea in Charlottetown and the waitress asks them if they are together. They both gag at the thought of it and Diana cannot help but wonder if they are gagging for the same reason.  
Diana is quiet as Cole talks about his time at school. About how everyone was so nice and accepting and so like him. It makes Diana’s heart ache.  
“I think I’m like you” Diana whispers, the remains of her earl grey making her tongue heavy as she speaks.   
“Well of course we are alike” Cole says, “We are friends, aren’t we?”  
“Alike as we are, I mean more than that.” Diana’s breath halts: “I think we’re alike how you and Aunt Josephine are alike.”  
“Oh” Cole says, his mouth wide.  
a moment passes and Cole’s face alights with a grin.   
“So, are you and Anne...?”  
“What? No! I mean…”  
Cole looked at her with sympathy.  
“You haven’t told her, have you?”  
“No” How was she supposed to? With Anne and Gilbert being what they were, what would be the point? No, she couldn’t tell her.  
“Did you feel something for her?”  
“I think I still do” she said, and the words coming out into the air felt like the crack of an egg, releasing the horrible messy insides of her heart out into the world.  
Cole looked at her sadly, like he knew what it felt like (which he probably did).  
“Do you want to do something about it?”  
“I couldn’t, not now”  
Cole merely nodded, taking another sip of his tea.  
“Then maybe you need someone else.” He says, “to take your mind off Anne”.


	6. Suitors Hour

During Winter Break Anne goes home to Marilla and Matthew and Diana stays in Charlottetown with Aunt Josephine. She does this because, for one, she’s not quite sure her parents have quite yet dealt with the fact that she chose Queen’s over finishing school. But in addition, Gilbert will also be in Avonlea and Diana does not know how she would take it. Without Anne as a buffer to her family (or at least Anne being mainly preoccupied by other things) the trip does not seem worth it.  
Gilbert shows up in Charlottetown just in time for the last ‘Suitor’s Hour’ of the semester and Anne, her usual companion in giggling at the floundering romances of their peers, had spent the entire morning riding waves of anxiousness about Gilbert’s return.  
Gilbert’s arrival was celebrated with a chaste kiss between him and Anne. Their shared embrace made Diana’s insides lurch. Diana did not explain to Anne why she spent the rest of the afternoon upstairs ‘studying’, despite the semester having just ended.


	7. The Milliner's

It was a few days before Christmas when Diana met Winifred. They were both at the milliner’s shop as Diana was picking up a couple spools of ribbon for Aunt Jo’s Christmas Dinner decorations. In front of her in line was a girl about her age. She spoke with the woman behind the counter and Diana could have sworn she recognized the source.  
“Winifred?” Diana asked as the blonde turned around to look at her quizzically.  
“Do I know you?” she asked, prompting a chuckle from Diana.  
“I’m a friend of Gilbert’s” she said before watching the other girl’s face wilt.  
“Don’t worry, we’re not close”  
“Is he well, though?” she asked, a small hesitance in her voice. Diana shrugged.  
“He’s going to the university of Toronto and courting my best friend”  
“Ah, Anne, right?”  
“Yes, she’s something alright.”  
“mmhm” Winifred said, a mutual quiet dragging between them.  
“So then... is there anyone else or was Gilbert- “  
“No one else, but he wasn’t the end of all things- I guess I just assumed we had the same goals”  
“Yeah, Paris right”  
“mmhm, Paris” Winifred nodded, her tone suggesting something more beneath the prospects of married life.   
Winifred moves to leave, as if their conversation were over, when Diana felt an urge to stop her. She grabbed the other girl’s arm, the soft rustle of silk shifting beneath her palm.   
“Are you busy on New Year’s Eve?” Diana asked. “Your family is probably throwing a party but, well my Aunt is having a party and if you were interested...”  
Winifred mused for a moment before grinning.  
“That sounds lovely” she said. “My parents usually go out with my father’s business partners, so it’d be nice to have my own plans for once.”  
“It’s set then” Diana said. and indeed, it was.


	8. Letters

Christmas day came and went. She and Cole awoke and drank cocoa while opening gifts with Aunt Jo. Cole received a lovely new set of paints (a medium which he had only just begun exploring), while Diana received a new set of stationary.  
That afternoon Cole’s roommate, James, arrived, and Cole disappeared in showing the boy around Aunt Jo’s house.   
Diana went upstairs and found Aunt Jo at the door of her guest room.  
“This is for you” she said, handing the girl an envelope. “They said they wished you open it today.”  
Diana looked at the letter and saw it was from her parents.   
“I’ll read this alone, if you don’t mind.”  
“of course. But make sure you read the bottom one last”  
Diana looked and noticed that there were in fact two letters in her hand instead of one. The second letter was thicker than the first with “Anne Shirley-Cuthbert” spelled out in swirling calligraphy.  
“Thank you, Aunt Jo,”  
“Of course, Diana. I’ll see you at dinner then?”  
Diana nodded, and next thing she was sitting in the armchair, ripping open the first letter with a quick motion.  
the card displayed a cute drawing of a family decorating their christmas tree together. Her mother always had a soft spot for these cards, even when Diana thought them a bit garish in terms of unadulterated family fun.

Diana  
it pains me greatly to not have you here with us this Christmastide. Minnie May misses you especially dearly. You always were such an influence on her, I only hope you know what a responsibility that is.  
In any case, I hope you are enjoying yourself in Charlottetown. Aunt Jo’s parties are always particularly thrilling, for those that enjoy that sort of thing.  
I bought you a gift for this christmas many years ago, with hopes it would be your first gift after returning on holiday from Paris. Though I doubt it would be much use to you, I still intended to give it, had you been here. But alas I dare not trust it in the mail, so I suppose it must wait until you return to us.  
Merry Christmas Diana,   
wishing you a happy new year,  
your Mother.

Diana felt her jaw clench tighter and tighter as she read the letter. The passive aggressive nature of the letter made her irate. If her mother had a problem with her, why couldn’t she just say it? Instead of veiling it in all these thin euphemisms for her disappointment. It made Diana mad enough that she considered just throwing the letter in the fire, there and then. But she knew that in a way, it was what her mother wanted. She did not want to give her the satisfaction of making her mad.  
So instead Diana opened Anne’s letter and let Anne’s kind words flow over her. Anne has written three pages despite only having been gone for a week. She talked about Marilla and Matthew and Gerry, and how the pregnant mare had given birth in her absence. She talked about how beautiful Avonlea was in the winter and how Christmastide was always so romantic.  
Romantic, she phrased it, and Diana felt her heart twinge.  
Gilbert was surprisingly lacking from the letter, until the last paragraph when Anne mentioned he “brought them each a fruitcake the size of their head” and how he and bash and the baby would all be there for Christmas dinner.   
“And yet my Christmas cannot be perfect without you, my dearest Diana, and so I hope you wait dearly for my gift for you, a token I hope you appreciate as much as I do you.”   
Diana felt her heart fill because no matter what emptiness seemed to follow her. No matter the hole in her gut every time she saw Anne and Gilbert together, she still loved her bosom friend in all the ways one can love a person, and she found great joy in everything her dear friend did and said and deemed to gift her.”


End file.
